Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas from DC.
It's snowing on Christmas morning.
It's like a dream come true.
Yes, I just arrived here, and I'm loving it.
Life can't get any better.
I'm happy.

Starbucks 2

Yousef wasn't an abnormal person. He had quite a lot of friends with 5aled and 7amad being his closest out of the bunch. The scale in which the proximity of his friendships isn't calculated by literal closeness, they're his best friend due to the basic fact that whenever he's free, he's with them. No deep, personal discussions are ever discussed with his companions.
The inability to discuss stuff with his friends frustrates Yousef massively. Venting out, in Yousef's world, is summarized in a ciggy. It's hard to find Yousef without a fag between his fingers.

5aled, an established 20 years-old medical student at Kuwait University, met yousef in a football match 4 years ago. As always, Yousef was chain smoking his Dunhills anticipating a goal by Al-Arabi football club, alone, and 5aled was right next to him at the packed end of the stadium absolutely disgusted and annoyed by the endless smoke.
5aled interrupted Yousef's absorption in the match, "Yal 3'alee, Chinna wayed tda5en?"
Yousef, surprised by the interruption, replied in a mannerly way, with the infamous phrase, "Hammee, Lo shekaita 6efl, Terak 7aleeb umma o Wala3 zegara."
A chuckle by 5aled broke the ice instantly. "Wel faree8 mu msa3dekk ba3ad."
"Ee Wallah, hal kalb el mudarreb, 9arat el degeega 70 o lail7een mu mbaddel wala la3eb, Madree shno Na6er."
The exchange of words continued till the end of the game and resulted in a further exchange of numbers. Since, a seat was always reserved for the other in any game and the friendship grew more.

7amad's friendship with Yousef started at school, and they were 'best friends' since. Although 7amad took a U-turn in his education and joined the army due to his constant failing grades, but the meetings with Yousef and then Yousef/5aled never stopped. The trio bonded in their own means of interest and enjoyed the company of each other.

.
.
.
.


17/9/2009
Yousef was at el Derwaza alone, watching a live UEFA cup match, and complimenting it with more drags and puffs of his cigarettes. He was awaiting the arrival of 5aled and 7amad as they always meet up here at the weekends. 7amad would come back from his training base and 5aled finishes his studies and comes here for some relaxation time.
Yousef tried to concentrate at the match, but the thought of that angelic stranger that sat at his seat would always come back gently to his mind. He couldn't get her out of there. He was actually contemplating the idea of maybe going to starbucks and maybe finding her there.
Yousef was then interrupted by the arrival of 5aled. 5aled noticed something different about Yousef. He was astray, not his usual self, especially when watching an entertaining match.
"Bu Ya3gouub, Tara el mbara 3-3, shfeeek sar7aaan??"
"Haaa?" Confused, Yousef was surprised by the result. "Shfeenee Ana?" He thought to himself.
The day continued normally after that, but he still couldn't shake her out of him.
And he lit another cigarette.

Starbucks 1

Days were ordinary for Yousef. Very ordinary. Engulfed by his studies at ACK, Yousef was trying to prove everybody wrong.
To prove that life, although endlessly cruel, is a beatable thing.
To prove that miseries and woes piled on upon him, could be dissolved and hidden, although only temporarily.
Life for this, 18 year-old, was simply dragged in and puffed out through his Silver Dunhill treasures.

He also found another outlet to hide himself from life. Studying. Yousef found peace and tranquillity in placing himself regularly near the left window of Mishref's well-known starbucks. Over-studying himself.
Getting that engineering degree was Yousef's idea to the route of freedom. Freedom from the shackles of life. Freedom from the chains of his ever-lasting miseries. Freedom from everyone.

.
.
.
.

16/9/2009
Yousef was roaming Mishref Co-Op getting a routine ciggy break from his studying, holding a paper cup of the cold white mocha he ordered an hour ago and drinking the remaining sips of it.
As he crushed the bud and returned to the packed coffee shop, he was surprised by a foreign presence at his seat.
A girl was seated on his chair and seemed to be looking through his notes. Yousef did not recognize her.
Meanwhile, Yousef did recognize that she was a beautiful girl. He felt somewhat fortunate.
The girl, was dressed in a knee-length white dress complimented by a brown bag. Yousef also noticed how perfectly tanned her skin was.
"5air?" Yousef faking his impatience.
Surprised, the girl hesitantly but softly replied, "Walla sorry, mu 8a9dee. Ana yait o ma legait mukan o enta mukanekk fa9'ee, fa gelt ag3aad o a5ale9 my drink o amshee"
"O notatee?!, You're going through them e5tee."
Comfortable with the English, she fluently returned, "I study engineering, O well, la7a9't inna you do too, so I took a look. Bess Sorry, I really didn't mean on intruding."
With that she stood, faintly blushing, and apologized again then left swiftly.
Yousef, adjusting himself back to the seat was simply mesmerized.

Looks!

Glimpses of hope.
A stare, a look. A very quick look.

Eyes meet.

Eyes leave each other, with regret preceding their next action.

A 'hello'.
A 'hi' back.

That's it.

Ra7altay ..

Poof!
Just like that.
Leaving me alone, lost in my thoughts.
Overwhelmed, bewildered, astonished.

2 Days later

160
Hints of a tear began to form as I drove back home.
3araft el nas wel denya, Nader el wefa feeha, Rwaished's meaningful lyrics piercing the depths of my heart.
180
Two sleepless nights and a sickening diet's toll are already in action. No energy whatsoever.
The VW's churning engine's sound effects failing to match Bu5aled's beautiful performance in this classical oldie.
220
I seemed to be for once in control, the road completely my own. No back-stabber. No unfaithful.
No love.
240
Atharee kel ma geltay kalamen fe kalam
A quick thought of her managed to infiltrate me.
260
A blast.

0
3ala Eddenya el Salam
The last thing my mind processed.



10/11/2010
She was back.

USA

In a couple months time I'll be tweeting from Uncle Sam's pad.
I got accepted in Civil Engineering at the United States of America by the Ministry of Higher Interior.
Now the thing is, what university should I go to?
I've been impresses a lot by Penn State University, but I do have a lot of other options.

I really regret the fact that I'm not going to be stationed in England.
Also for the fact that I won't be studying Political Science, but then again, this is life. I'll try to nurture whatever I got that needs to be preserved and hopefully pursue a related career.

3eedkum Mbarak By the way.

Anony still awaits her long forgotten 9ou3'a .. Which I'll try to bring in for her anytime soon.

Saher el Lail!, That's me :( ..

Future Engineer?

I just applied at the Ministry of Higher Education for a scholarship to London, and unwillingly listed 4 wants of 3 different typed of engineering.
Come kill me right now.
I despise anything related to maths/physics. And I'm shoving myself into just that.
7asayef!
Malee 5lg Akamel Ketaba ;p ..
Too lazy ..
Too Fat .. ;p . .

Solidaire Memoirs

27/7/2010 23:55
Downtown, Beirut.

Absorbing the familiar feel of Beirut's biggest tourist attraction, Sale7 got seated at the reasonably crowded Le Petit Cafe. With music on full blast at M7md 3abdu's songs, and the uncomfortable hustle of the waiters, he tried to suck everything in with a deep inhale of the smoke of different Sheesha Flavors, followed by a rejuvenating exhale to balance everything in his system.
Whilst tipping the waiter, Sale7 ordered his usual 'two apples' m3assal, with a glass full of ice to accompany his can of Pepsi. He, then, set his sights on the tables nearby and examined every face, every piece of clothing and every beauty surrounding him.
Solidaire was, as usual, bustling with life. Pretty gals, mostly Saudi, filling up the center attraction of this city. And Sale7 wasn't complaining, he didn't mind some eye candy.

As he puffed rich, white, apple flavored, smoke through the atmosphere, he heard the starting tunes of a once favored song. Tunes that he wished he wouldn't listen to again. Tunes that particularly raised his emotions. Especially in Lebanon, especially in Solidaire.
He listened as the tunes soon collaborated with words and became a perfect portrayal of him and his past and present and maybe his distant future.

The song.

1/6/2009 20:20
Downtown, Beirut.

"Sale7, Chenni De5t." Said the soundly synced voice of Layla.
Sale7 Returned. "Shasaweelech?, Tawha Ma 9arat Tes3, O Ana Emmazejj 7aleyyan Ma3a BuNourah O Sheeshtee, Fa Ma 3alaiich Amer, Bakammel Tamzeejtee."
"Enzain Banam, Walla De5t! Yalla 3ad Sallou77."
"Tara Ana el Dala3 el Zayed Hathaa, Ma Yamshee 3endee, Tabeen Tamsheen?, Ka Aku Malyoun Taxi, 20 Dollar o Ywaddeech el She88a" Sale7 replied saracastically.
"Bess enta Tadree, Ya A5 9ale7, el 7abeeb, Ennee Ana Ma A3arf Anaam ellaa 3ala Karshetekk" She replied with an increased pitch in her voice.
"9ij?" Rhetorically.
"Ee yuba, T3awwadt 3ala karshetekk hathe"
"Enzain Layla, bess t5ale9 hal e3'neyaa namshe, Ok 7abeebtee?"
As she rested her head on his shoulder, Layla whispered, "Sale7, tara a7ibbik"
With a long kiss on her head, he replied gently "Wana akthar!"



As a tear began to build up, Sale7 fixated his sight at the people pilgriming The Solidaire, showing off their lavish clothing and sparkly accessories. Reminiscing on the possibilities that followed that heavenly night. The innocence that engulfed it and her. 'A touch of majestic brilliance' as he always described her.
The more he thought of that particular moment of time, the more pain seemed to choke his own breath. That moment, that summed up her. Just Her. Layla.
Memories began to flood.


15/7/2009
EddeSands, Jubail.

At the famous beach, a large percentage of the attendance were model-like beauties. Layla sensed her heart sinking into her chest as a hint of jealousy started to unease her presence. She forgot to acknowledge her lengthy hours at the gym, her slim figure and the eyes turning at the sight of her entrance to the pool area with a very short overall that covered a soon-to-bewilder red bikini.
She clasped Sale7's hand as she picked two beach chairs and got seated after arranging the towels.
Layla took off her overall and lied down on the extended chair to get comfortable under the sun. She, then, began to oil herself with the suntan and caught a glimpse of Sale7 staring at her.
"Shfeek T6ale3 Chithee?!"
"I'm stunned?!"
"Laish Balla?, Feeh Shay 3'ala6 Shaklee?!" Layla said as she was checking herself for faults"
"Perfection" He replied with utter confidence that surprised her.
"3asa Allah La Ya7remnee Mennekk"


Hidden tears followed.

88%!

They Say I Passed!
Well; Actually I Passed ..
El 7amdelela; I never imagined I'll get this much with the effort i gave in; Which is next to nothing!
Thank God .. O Inshalla I'll do well in life and make my parents Proud ..

Destination; Beirut

Am Heading to Beirut Tomorrow.
That's it.

Horizon

It was just an ordinary stroll took by 'him' along the beach. No pre-walk plans, no scheduled timings ahead of it. Nothing. Just a thought about walking, that triggered the actual stroll.
Alone.

He did believe that a person should take a few hours off his surroundings and have some moments for himself. The thing is that, most of his hours were to himself already. Nobody asking about him, and not reaching out to anyone. Just him and himself.

He started off alongside the approaching water. Barefooted. Feeling the coldness stored by the sea throughout the months of the summer sun.
Almost sensing that the sea is trying to show off it's successful efforts in withholding the cold temperature in it. But then he remembered how, he had the same coldness in him, despite of the heated events around him. He seized feelings.
He felt that, just thinking about those incidents a couple of months ago, he can collapse on the cold waves.

His sight transfixed towards the sky. That black canvas, glittered with countless stars. He recognized that sighting, he related to it. But couldn't figure out exactly how did he know it.
Suddenly, his chest ached. A wave of pain, rushed through his body. A sign. He then realized.
His heart. That black blank shape above of him was an exact portrayal of his own source of living.
That organ was black, enlightened by three stars, three loves.
Nothing else.

The stillness of that night scared him. Terrified him. The stillness took over the ever-increasing tone of the waves.

He sat down for a while, resting his tired body after that long walk. Looking out at the horizon. Noticing the minute, newborn rays of the rising sun peeking out of the stretched length of the sea.
The sea was growing fiercer every little moment.

He lied down on the moistening sand. Impressed by the breath-taking rise of the sun, the fast growth of light rays. Contemplating the opening of a new blank 'white' page. A virgin start.

Just as the exhilarating thoughts began rushing through his head, he saw a massive wave approaching steadily towards him. A similar one building up in his chest, hurting every muscle of his body.

He Laid on his back in an attempt to brush the, now, excruciating pain out of his system. Closing his eyes fooling his body into sleep.

The wave washed him, and resided back to it's sea.

Not to open his eyes again.

Jumeirah Beach Residence

Yes, Im in Dubai!
How fast things can go is scary.
Not only that, after a few hours I'll be heading back to Kuwait after exactly one week staying in the mostly humid, outrageously high rising city of Dubai.
And, oh yes, I enjoyed every moment of it.
From the seemingly endless hours of reading Jeffery Deaver's thrillers in Movenpick's lobby to the brilliantly unscripted magical moments with my best friend and his cousin and his my best friend's father.
Great moments, really!

And oh, let me mention something. I've never seen as much knees, yes knees, in one place as much as Dubai.
el wa9'3 Sebeeeeeeeeeeel ..
You'd think you're in Europe, if not for the unmistakable gulf weather and the frequent Arabic inscriptions on the road signs.
Other than that, Knock your fuckin self out.

Not to mention, yesterday's venture to the hotel's last 'Party' before Ramadhan. The drinking, smoking and dancing was all new territory for me.
And No, rest assured, I didnt experiment.

This week, along with the tons of photos I personally took, shouldn't be forgotten, as it is really a refresher and a soothing way to prepare us, me and my bestie, for the IGCSE results upcoming on the 12th of next month.
Shit!

Anyways, I really enjoyed this.
And also, I really miss my beloved Kuwait.
Now let me go finish the remaining 35 chapters of Rajaa Al Sanea's Girls of Riyadh, that I am really Savoring and Relishing, and aiming to finish before reaching Kuwait.

ABK'er

Our trip to Lebanon have been cancelled, and the annoying fragments of boredom have been increasing by the millisecond.
So, with the great intervention acted out by Ma Mere, she, so surprisingly, got me a summer job with The Ahli Bank of Kuwait.

The nice thing about the flawed job is that, I would wake up everyday at 6:30, take a refreshing shower, slip into the already prepared and incensed dishdasha, put on, so gratefully, my 3'etra and wake up my dad to deliver to the Head office of the Bank.
Not to metion, my agonizing footwear which consists of some kind of pointy shoes, made apparently to annoy the wearer of such item.

Although yesterday just marked my 3rd day of a 3-week journey at the bank, I noticed the absolute lack of work I was handed.
I'd just sit behind a person who at that moment hates his life, and to increase his frustration, I'm added to the equation, and he would, oh so unmannerly, teach me the arts of such job.
At only my third day, I noted that most of them would give up on me, and just spill their miseries to my listening and comprehending ear. They would, excusably, talk about their regrets, and how they hate their job. How they wished they would continue their studies, and have a better job. Their talks have a lot of needed advice to me. I'm always listening and handing a consolable word or two. But most of them just fucked up.

And the clients, well most of them have petty problems and just need to acknowledge the existence of the World Wide Web and actually learn how to solve them, whilst the others do just worry about the couple of thousands of Dinars in their bank account. The costumers are good, Sh7alat-hum, a lot of them come with a good-hearted will.

The thing that is shocking, is the amount of commissions charged at each and every transaction. Dinars and Dinars are wasted from costumers and clients on very easy transactions. And the more shocking thing is that almost all of these commissions can be played around and dealt with, with no single Fils wasted.

The Bank is actually good, the beautiful thing about it is that most of the people working have a good aroma and presence. No air of hatred or bad charisma.

3-days, and more of this is actually noted but forgotten right now.

Now the question is, should I mention the name of the bank or is it unprofessional from my part. I seem to be very critical in this post. I'm almost imagining the manager actually calling me up to her office demanding an explanation for this post. But, then again, Its not like my blog is the most read thing in Kuwait!

gonna Post it!

Cancelled

Due to off topic reasons

And Again!

Its like history is repeating itself.
I'm heading to Lebanon, again by car, on the 2nd or 3rd.
The thing is, this time, I'm not really looking forward for the trip. I mean, I realised that travelling to Lebanon with just the family, is somewhat boring.
I'm a 16 year old.
I need my freedom, my fun. My Older brother won't come, my older sister won't come. I'm stuck with my parents, and *Younger sisters.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, on the contrary, thank God I have the opportunity to actually travel. But. It can be much more fun with cousins, friends.

This time for the road trip, I will be much more equipped as I learned from my past experience.
Essentials;
- Ipod
- A readable Book
- Flash Light
- A Good Cushion
- Camera

I really hope, I'd enjoy this trip.
I know that I adore Lebanon, its weather, people, girls! Everything.
I just need something to make me feel less than an actual prisoner.

I hope my dad would let me drive through this treacherous trip, I need some fun for God's sake!

UmSalem!

My one and only.
The candle that lights my family.
The smile that melts my heart.
The hug, that solves everything.
The innocent kiss, that I need, I just need for me to complete my day efficiently.
The talks, the surprisingly intriguing talks, that richen my heart with joy, pride and unlimited love.

UmSalem, I Can't sum her up in a post. Hell, she can never be summed up.

She owns one of those rarely found hearts, that never explored evilness. A heart that is absolutely free of hatred. A heart that never holds any grudges.
A heart that literally pours unconditional kindness.

The happiness that I naturally possess during her presence, the satisfactory feeling that I gain by just knowing that she's there, right next to me, playing with her medallion on the ground.

An example of a pure creation.

Allah Ya7fe9' E5tee Lee; O Y5alleehaa Doum Salmaa; O Mestansa; O Met-hanya!

Is There Someone?

A thought stroked my mind today, a pleasant one I must admit.
What if there was someone, an anonymous someone, that cared for me, had a crush on me, liked me?, without me knowing.
What if there was someone, that is missing me terribly? wishing to talk to me but didn't pick up enough courage to do so?
No, I'm not a paranoid person, that just thinks about himself, that is actually that self-centred to think that way, but its just a thought!, What if?

I'm always used to have my own, one-sided crushes that rarely worked but this thought changed the balance of the whole situation.
I'm not insinuating that I currently know of, somebody who has a 'crush' on me, I'm just writing what's on my mind. Bluntly and absent-mindedly! A thought that I thought is quite interesting!

-----------

On a very different note, I'm well into my holiday, and its going quite well. I didnt start 'reading' the thing, Bess I'm reading this novel that's nice by a so-called 'Ken Follett ', and a lot of things are surprisingly occupying me. Something I do appreciate, as I really despise the state of boredom that hit me on holidays!

-----------
Also, I would like to Salute FourMe on her strength and great will that is admirable on all stages by me and other people. She's such a powerful person.
Allah Yshafeeha; O Ya7meeha .. O Ya36eeha el 9e77a Wel 3afyaa o 6oulat el 3umr!

And Anony; I really Can't express enough their effect on me.

Finished!

I'm actually finished. Finished. FINISHED!
FINISHEDDDD
I Can't Believe it; absorb it?; I'm actually finished.
No more school; No more School!; No More School!
I can't imagine my self school-less! I just Can't.
My Life?
11 years; Every day of the eleven years; I've been going to that School.
And Now .. Poof .. It's Finished.

I Can't Sense Freedom!
I can't feel freedom!
I've been told that these are bitter-sweet moments!
I don't Find any Sweetness; NONE!

I'll miss it!
I'll miss my friends, and not the ones that I'm close to; NO .. The ones that I just say 'Hi' to. Those are the ones that make it better!
I'll miss the teachers!; No more endless conversations of Non-School related topics.
No more shit singing in the corridors!
No more 'Good Mornings' To smiling people!
Shit!

I just can't comprehend it!
I'm Finished!

I don't like this feeling!
I don't like change!

Baq9am; Has left the Campus :(!

Did I Do a Mistake?

The occasional doubt is kicking in again! Since I realised that I'm actually an agnostic person, I stopped praying due to the obvious reason. But I miss it, I really do.
Although it was just an 'exercise', the impact it has on my life proved to be apparent. The satisfaction you get after each prayer, and the relief you experience is what anybody would long for. Who doesn't want a constant feel of relief, 5 times a day, 7 day a week and so on.
Also, the fact that I'm constantly lying to my mum, is nerve-wrecking. I hate seeing myself deceive my mother. She expects me to pray, and I need to pray, bess for God; Mu 7agha.
The question is; Did I do a mistake by stopping my prayers?
Should I be praying even though, I'm in an extreme state of doubt.

The good thing is that by Saturday, I'll be starting my quest, by reading Tafseer el 8ur2an; something I really am looking forward to.

5ayeff!

A worry has been eating me up these days. What if I didn't do enough? What if I fail my Ig's or not bring up the grades I was aiming for?
Something that's completely factual and is of utter truth is that I didn't work hard for these grades, I didn't study hard enough, I didn't care enough.
These moments of my life are supposed to be one the most strenuous and gruelling times of my life, where the sole reason of my existence are the books and my head wouldn't part these textbooks a couple of milliseconds.
But, I'm not any of this. I'm taking the whole Ig's thing very lightly. I'm not studying like I supposed to be, Oh, why the present tense? I didn't study like I was supposed to.
My Ig's finish on the 11th and I have finished 5 subjects forever in my high school career which are Maths, Physics, English 2nd Language, Arabic 2nd Language and Geography. And I have 4 subjects left with different papers which are; Biology, Chemistry, economics and lastly English 1st Language.
Let me go through each of the 9 subject one by one and explain to me my situation, should I be that worried?

1- Maths; Oh well, this subject is the only one that I got tuition for, and I think I did good. I had a good understanding of the subject and came out of both papers with an unconcerned nature and that's comforting, Right? Well yes, it was one of the easiest exams ever in the Ig History. But the thing with maths, is that the grades are unpredictable and the silly mistakes are counted by the millions, so its considerably a matter of luck.
Another thing, that is a bit worrying, is that just last night, I dreamt about my maths grade and it turned out that I got an E. Very realistic dream that made me very happy when I woke up of the dream.

2- Physics; Oh, Physics' paper 3, The hardest and most graded paper, was extremely hard and made me very uncomfortable. I'm very pessimistic with this subject after that particular paper and I think I'm going to fail this one.

3- English 2nd Language; Inshalla A!

4- Arabic 2nd Language; If I didn't get an A*, I need, either to be admitted to a mental hospital or commit suicide!

5- Geography; Well I entered all three paper with minimal studying and just with my greatly self-admired attribute of me, my common sense. I think I did good and at least a C would be sufficient for my pleasing.

6- Biology; I did 2 papers out of 3, and they were to a certain extent good; I still didn't do the multiple choice which I'm currently fearing due to my lack of studying. I also need to be very thankful that the hardest paper of this subject turned out to be another geography exam which was nice.

7- Chemistry; NO COMMENT; I Have the hard paper coming up, I think I'm going to Fail it :(; I should do some past papers but Im not!

8- Economics; I just need to learn the supply-demand graph; But i still yet to learn it; Fuck me!

9- English 1st Language; I missed out on yesterday's 4 hour revision lesson; I also think I'm going to at most get a C from this exam.

Extremely Boring post; I even bored myself writing it; Oh well I guess its a post for me to read after I get disastrous results on August; and just regret my, not even funny, lack of studying.

Faster Than a Ferrari?

Fast.
Time is running with ferocious velocity and it't accelerating by the second.
Everybody is noticing this; seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years and decades are flying by unnoticed, unappreciated.
I don't like it.

I hate that time is becoming of passive importance amongst a lot of people. People just don't understand the concept of it nor do they pay it enough attention, I don't even understand it. But what's really obvious and almost all of us are oblivious about is that time is escaping.

Where is it?

Yesterday, just yesterday was new year's eve.
before yesterday was the day I opened this blog, oh and by the way, before yesterday is Average's first birthday.

How is it like that?
What makes like that?
How can I Saviour the moments of joy, pride, happiness and even sadness?
How can I remember all of these feelings, all of these momories that are fading from my mind by the minute?

I hate that I have a bad memory, I hate that I can't remember everything, especially the good and funny stuff of my life.
I envy people that can remember joyful moments and just laugh at them and admire them whilst I can't do that.

Funny enough, one of the only things that makes me look forward for judgement day is the fact that I can remember absolutely everything that happened in my life. I'd probably don't want that at the time due to my heavy sins and very little deeds, but right now, that's one of the things that makes me assured and content.

Returning to our present, Where is time? Why is it in such a dangerous hurry?

I don't want to blink and another year passes by, I really don't.

This frightening speed taken up by time belittles life on Earth, it just makes it very insignificant.
What's life?
Just several decades of joy and agony that is all summed up under Earth. Whether rich or poor, whether good or bad, we're all heading for the same direction.
And that's scary, Is there something afterwards?
Will we be remembered in a good way?
Will we survive the hereafter?

Time is an extremely interesting subject. It's just so enlightening and acts like a lesson every time you think about it. It moralizes a human being and makes him understand the importance of life or its unimportance. Such an effective way of teaching a lesson.

I know that with a blink of an eye, I'll remember writing this, a month from now or even a year, or even a decade, and think about it exactly the same.

"Time proved to be Faster than a Ferrari" ..

Conscience or Image?

Am I fearing a ruined image of me? Or is it really my conscience?
I currently believe that I'm tricking myself into believing that it's actually my conscience whilst what I have come to realise is that I cant tolerate me being talked about in a bad way.
I despise that.
I lack confidence.

I made a wrong decision, Who doesn't? I think I made wrong decisions forever.
But, never were these decisions questioned nor even noticed.
Whilst this particular decision I decided mere 2 days ago was to some extent public. This decision is making people, I think, question my goodness.

Well the question is, Do I really possess goodness?
I always wonder why a big number of 'good' people that gain power, turn out to be bad eventually with the influence of power and money.
I also thought that whenever I gain any sort of power, I would not gain advantage from nor misuse it.
But, on a minute scale, I got that power, and instantaneously I made the wrong decision with no hesitation, with no consideration and with no ethics whatsoever.

The scary thing is that, I didn't come to realise that I made a mistake until I knew people were dealing with it and talking about it. When I realised that my 'goodness' is being questioned and a bad spot have been entered into my 'allegedly' sparkly white files.

How many mistakes did I do?
How many moments of power did I possess and let somebody down?

Is my feeling of guilt a product of my supposed fear from that question of goodness or is it really my conscience hurting me?

Its not a nice feeling to be in, hating being in your own skin, but I do have a glimpse of satisfaction, as me realising this aspect of my life is comforting and assuring.
Maybe I'll think more next time, maybe I'll value these powerful moments I have and maybe if I do a mistake, my real conscience will alarm me, not the tongues of people.

Or maybe not!

One Lucky Bastard

I am One lucky Bastard .. just a Fuckin Lucky Bastard ..
I entered most of my Ig Exams With almost no studying whatsoever and I think im doing good. I Seem very over confident .. Bess I didnt do not 1 exam where i Felt 'Fuck thats Hard' ..
O Madree Laiish ..

I mean; I'm not that Genius; Nor Im Smart in any Way ..
I Have some common Sense; But that doesnt make u pass Ig's ..

O El wagt where i need to Pray .. And Ask God for Help. Im Not .. Im Still in the Doubt Phase ..

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What Makes me look forward to the Summer is that Im going to Explore something Soo Beautiful; So Miraculous .. So Powerful .. and Just Know it .. In my holidays ..
Uff; el Qur2an .. I Cant Waiitt .. On the 13th of june im gonna Start .. :P ..


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3ali ebn Abee 6aleb .. Tsk tsk .. 5ayal ..

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I realised that i Love writing, Reading .. I Adore these 2 Things in mee; and I adore Doing them ..
I Miss Reading for fun; I miss jefferey Deaver's Thriller Books .. I Want to write a Novel .. Weddee .. ;p ..

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FourMe ..
I know She'll Get through this With Flying Colours ..

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Just Because im talking to this person right now; I'll Mention them .. YA .. :P ..
Lets See; When Will They See this .. ;p ..


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I know i bought it to myself .. Bess I Hate that I lost my Anonymity .. I Cant A keep a Secret About me to myself .. I trust ppl ever so easily .. ;/ ..
Bess laiil7een el 7amdella Nobody Betrayed that .. :D ..

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Mmm .. Bess; I miss Posting here .. bess in a Few days time Ra7 Tmelloun menne ..

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I Finish my Ig's at the 11th ..

IGCSE; Moment Of Truth!

In one hour and a half the most important month of my life starts.
My life depends on this month ..
And although im extremely Calm; I didn't equip myself with enough studying to attack this month!
2 years of my life passed; and through all of it I've been looking forward for this dreaded month.
And What tops it all; is my in-certainty and insecurity at this stage.
I Seem so calm on the outside; But on the inside; Im SCARED; Im Fushin Scared .. ;/ ..

Ed3oulee ..

Lord Average ..

Mr Average Here Was Elected Lord .. At Prom ..
My Suit Turned out to be The Best O My Friends voted For Mee .. E7m e7m .. ;p ..
O I slow Danced With The Lady .. :$ .. ;p ..

I Know Anony Is Proud Of Mee ??; 9a77 .. :P??

It Was A Great Night .. O We Had Great Fun ..

A Post for the Memory .. ;p ..

Study?

I'm doing Bad; Really ..
At this Rate I'm going to Fail my Exams; I'm not studying Like everbody else.
el3moum are having tuitions; o Yadressoun 24/7. Noumhum Bel Yalla o Nharhum Kutub .. !!

O Ana; 5alf Allah 3alay; Ga3ed 3al Frash Ya Nayem; Ya A6ale3 TV ..

I'm not saying that I'm not studying; But I'm not studying as hard as I should be!

This week is potentially my last school week ever; and I'm Sad .. I'm really Sad ..

I genuinely believe that I'm to young to leave school .. But the chances are there and I should get complete advantage of them!

My attention is diverted to Political Science .. I Really Wish that I'd Do what I want to do!

o Ba3ad .. ?

Ee; Its Morning; Elyoum Mwa9el ..

o mmm ..

Ee; On Sunday I Did something so courageous; but got 'Heart Broken'?; Well no; actually I was relieved that I looked her in the eye .. and didn't get anything after I had expressed my utter Admiration to her ..

O Ba3ad .. ?? .. Mmm ..

I'm sorry I'm not Blogging; I'm supposed to be studying .. O Please Ed3oulee 7ag el Ig's; Ya Rab Atwaffag; O I make my parents proud; they start at the 11th of May ..


O on Thursday is my prom night .. Bought a nice suit .. Going to dance my brains Off .. :P .. (( Ga3ed Ma A5allehum Y7awloun el Prom Jalsat Rwaiished )) .. ;p ..


Eeeh; O Bess; Till Then ..
Till The Beginning of the world cup?
Till My liberated ..

Till My Supposed Freedom ..

Graduate ..

Dear Average ..

Dear Average-q8i,
I hope you understand that I am writing you from the deepest feelings of good will that I possess. I currently feel that I do own the right to advise you and persuade you into going to the right path. You should also know that I love you a lot, and my good faith determine that I should write this letter to hopefully guide you to do good in your life.
Baq9am, you are currently in a very critical stage of your life. These times, can actually be nominated as one of your hardest times in your entire life. These times do require a huge amount of effort and determination as well as commitment. Your IGCSE's are one of the most important exams you will ever get. The may as well be, a very big test of will and organisation plus of course your knowledge.
I demand you, and I repeat, I demand you, that you should work extremely hard. I demand you to forget everything. I demand you that in the next couple of months, numerous weeks and less than a hundred days, that you would work and work and work. Study, Study and Study. Revise, Revise And Revise.
You may be in a situation that doesn't allow you to understand the amount of responsibility and effort this period of your life requires. But I'm telling you, dear Baq9am, Please Work hard. As these days aren't in any way repeatable and your future is way more important than your present.
Football matches, Dewania and Twitter/Blogger/MSN/Blackberry/Internet won't shape your future. These things could be reused again and again after the 11th of June. But your exams will finish, will disappear, will vanish after the 11th of June.
I would also would like you to think of the amount of pride and honour you'd serve to your parents. Your family when you work hard and get the results you've been anticipating. I would like you to think about the amount of faces you will prove wrong when you do good. I would like you to think about the joy you'll see in your mother's face. I would like you to think of the expressions of pride you'd find in your father's face; the assurance that he invested in the right place.
Please, Please, Please; A Request from the heart, the soul. please, work hard, Revise, Study, and Work .. PLEASE!
Not only for your own good, But for my own good too. I know you can, You know you can. Please CAN!

Love,
Baq9am (You) ..

Ya Wa3d ..

يــــا وعــد مغـفرةً إن فاتنــي خــبرُ
فـي لـــيل عيـنيك ها قد جئـــتُ أعتذرُ
عمـــرى فـــداء مـدى اللـيـل مكتحلا
وللعيــون التي فـــي طـــرفها حَــوَرُ

عينــــاكِ يــا وعـد قيـثاري و مـدفاتي و متّكاي .. مـلاذي فيه أسـتــترُ

و للعــيون حـديثٌ ليـس يـدركه الا الــذي شـفـّهُ العنقـود و الوتـــرُ
مهاجرٌ في العيون السود مقتحمٌ ديـــــاجـر الكُــحل إن الكُــحل لي قـدرُ

تــمـزّقت في مدى الإعصــــــــار أشرعتـــي
اعصــــارُ عيــنـــيك لا يـُـبــقي ولا يـــذرُ
نــــوارسُ العــشقُ شــالت بــــي مُــجـنحتاً
حيثُ السديـــم فــلا علــمٌ ولا خــــبـــــرُ

يـــــا ربّــة الشعر هل غـادرت من طلـلٍ؟
يــا رحلة العمر هل مادت بـك الصُـــــوَرُ؟
ماذا تــبــقى لــدينا غبّ عودتنــــــا؟
ديـــــوان شــعـــرٍ و دمعٌ ليـس ينهمر


يــــا وعــــد مغفرة إن فاتـــنـــي خـبر

Allah Y5aleeha Lee ..

Whatever I Do; Just A Drop in Your Sea ..
Allah Y5alleech Lee Ya Mammaa

Almost French Memories

Memories that suddenly raced through my mind today. Memories that I Would never wish they would be forgotten. Memories that engulf three friends. Three guys that are related in a very complicated fashion but once had a simple bond. A Simple bond that was Proven not so strong by time.

In that big garden that is viewed by that famous french embassy; where we used to play football; the three of us with our maids casting a nervy look at us. Them chatting with their beautiful 'Tagalog' language; and we trying to perfect our touches of that football.

We certainly didnt have a perfect relationship; the three of us; No. We had that traditional cousin tied bond. But with time, this bond strengthened; we became best friends; true best friends. We couldnt imagine a weekend without each other. Without that sleepover that combined the three of us.

Our fights were cute too. We had big fights sometimes. But somehow all so subtly, we get back together; in what 5 minutes.

The love of football glued us more together. And oh so conveniently our love for Arsenal glued us more together. Our late night matches together, Our Cereal-eating races (Which mostly i always won) .. Our unisons against each other; our football matches Bel 7oush.

OUR NICKNAMES .. :) ..

When we broke one of the house's windows. Funny Days?

But Then Somehow; The same as our bond strengthened; it weakened .. We grew out of each other i guess.
I cant get over how all so suddenly we were not friends.
Location differences contributed somehow; But we could've kept it strong ..

Our tastes changed i guess; We never needed each other anymore; We had other people to give us a hand; other than us.

Unfortunately ..

But the positive thing is that; We Have our memories!
something by this post; I Would never want to forget .. I Would like to relive again and again ..



Dedicated to my Childhood Memories' Stars .. J and 3 ..

Agnostic

I Think I reached This Point .. Im Not Ashamed By itt ..
I Dont Believe in anything right now ..
When I finish my Ig's I'll read my head off till I Get the Right Answer ..

The reason For this; Is the fact that I cant judge what do i want to be if im Influenced By Islam So much and I Am; that Takes my Better Judgement ..
I Hope after this experience I go back to Islam; But its Hard .. O i may turn to be something else ..

Bess I Still Pray; Bess Unfortunately with very little Faith ..

My Own Space

One of the few things i am looking forward to after my so-called graduation is getting my own place. I really dont care about where, when and how .. But i just want my own appartment/place of living.

Despite the fact that 90% of my chances of studying will be in my 'beloved' Kuwait; but 7atta lo I stay in Kuwait; I Will Demand my own place, Fight For my own territory!; Its not that im an isolated character in this life, Far from it .. But due to the fact that i was very social in my almost 16 years of my life .. I am longing for the opposite! ..

I Would TAKE the chance of being alone and independant; having my own style of things; getting stuff from my own sweat and money!; Having my friends over; Acting in a VERY free way in my haven!

I Would love to go to my appartment; and think 'Yes, Im going to rest now in my place' ..

I Dont think its the typical Kuwaiti Guy dream Bess why not .. Madree I Really Dont know ..

I just want my own Haven.

Doubt ..

I Hate This;
I Hate the fact that I am so ignorant in a huge amount of stuff going around my life!
I Hate the fact that the life I'm living in is not clear to me.
I Hate the fact; that I don't know! ..
I Hate the fact that I need to read and make a choice!
I Hate the fact that I reached the point of realising that I don't know.
I Hate the fact that I'm doubting One of the most revered things in Life!
I Hate the fact that I decided and promised myself to Go into an experience I cant know the outcome of!
I Hate Being Afraid; Scared; disillusioned!
I Hate Being shaky!
I Hate ignorance; I hate not knowing!
I Hate my education; I Hate my intelligence!
I Hate my personality that made me think like that!
I Hate being afraid!
I Hate being contradictive!
I Hate the fact that I may turn out to be not me!
I Hate the odds in the outcome of the experience I'm going to go through.
I Hate This!

Love?; Or Low?

People Can Be Very Fushin Low ..









Happy Valentine's Day .. :) ..

For Scouseology!

Hehheeeee ..

She Doesn't ..

He has this stupid attitude towards life. He says what's in his mind without any filtering. He doesn't understand that in this life and this era, honesty and the bare truth is not fully accepted. It's not accepted at all sometimes.

Hormones are shooting up and down his arteries and veins, seeking a moment of tenderness and affection from a liked one. He stupidly relates to everything he sees, hears and feels!
His analysis to specific details, he interpretation to any word or phrase. A blind way of life.

The thing is that he finds in her eyes the subtleness he longs for. He tries to explore the adventures of life in her writings, her talks and the details of her beautiful face. He wants to discover with her the torture of Love. He wants to replicate the romance inked in numerous brown papers and typed arially behind the screens of his laptop.

The problem is that he acknowledges the fact that he is just a teenager. He knows that these are just nuisance hormones that are going to be laughed at in future times, regretted sometimes too.
He understands that this 'is' the phase adults are talking about. The weird and hard times in his life. The awkward times of his life.

But ..

He wants to enjoy these times. He wants to know how to love as a teenager. He wants to document this phase of his life with stories of stupidity, laughter and the complete opposite of perfectness. He expects to have a memory full of events he will tell his sons and daughters about. And by now he is acknowledging that he is going too far with his thinking.

How?

'The way she enters a place with her paced walk and hurrying motion, wanting to reach her destination without grabbing the attention of people but by that she catches huge amounts of corners of eyes. Heads tilting; bodies turning. A perfect example of an illuminative piece of cuteness has just entered .. '

He Likes her!
He Likes her A lot ..

But ..

She says she Doesn't ..




He Doesn't Believe Her .. !!

She Vanished ..

She Vanished ..
In this Dim Street ..
Nobody's Left but me ..
Lonely Me ..

Listening to the Tree's coversations ..
And Wiping from my eyes the sleep ..
A Tear of Tiredness ..
A Tear of Damn ..
With a drop of Left over Rain ..
She Vanished ..

I Stood ..
In the middle of Blankness ..
And Remembered a Past night ..
A Night that past and ended in her Life ..
But In my Life didnt End ..
I Stayed Alone Here ..
Listening to the tree's Conversations ..
And Wiping the sleep out of my eyes ..
A Tear of Tiredness ..
A Tear of Damn ..
With a Drop of leftover rain ..
She Vanished ..

And How would i forget my date ..
Between this Old Path ..
At the same time Years ago ..
We Were both in Lust and Love ..
And how did the way separate us ..?









A Translated Song ..
Picture Credit To Khaled Al Masoud ..

An Apology ..

' E3thereenee .. ' <3 ..

My 2 Angels ..

I am really a very blessed person.

I am blessed with having 2 angels that guard me; Are there for me and Love me whenever I need them.
They mean life to me;

I Dont know who's the person that said a man can't have a clean friendly loving relationship with a women ??; With no sexual/romantic feelings arising .. ??

I Have 2 females in my life who are my best friends
They showed Me Me!
They Highlighted Me to Me ..


Thank You God for giving me this bliss ..

I LOVE THEM ..

A Cocktail Of Feelings ..

dizziness, tiredness, Minute Depression, Gratefulness, Far-Reaching Ambition, Pressured!! ..

And loads More Streaming in my Veins, Is it the Fact that im not opening a single book, Or Is it that Crush that i cant brush off After Several Tries!

I find Myself seeking measures to escape reality; Its Either by playing hours and hours of Football Manager Or by reading a Book, Or just sitting in a toilet counting tiles on the wall and the best way is to Sleep!

These measures are tiring me!!


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I also Hate the Fact that I lack Imagination!
I Lack the Ability to think, To Make, to Brainstorm!
To Write!
I Want To Write .. I Dream Of Writing, But I Cant!
WHY??

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I Dont Mind A Psychiatrist .. !!

A Lack of a Certain 'Want'

My Real Deal Ig Exams Are Coming up in 5 months.

well At the Beginning Let me Sum up to you what are MY Ig's (IGCSE Exams) ..
Well; The Period Where My Exams start and End is the Defining period of my Entire Life. It decides my Humble But Probably Festive Future. The 13 years of Studying are summarised in a 1-month exam Drenched/saturated period!

Well To See My Sum of those exams; You may think, Well a normal person would start studying Right Now, At this second to ensure a good percentage at the end; But unfortunately Ladies and Gentlemen, Average is far from Normal :( ..

These exams start at may, and People in my school are starting their tuitions and started preparing for those exams, But Me?; No; .. My Laptop is occupying 99% of my hours awake and the other hours of the day Im snoring .. :( ..

Why?

Well; I Lack the want to Study .. I Dont Know Why But I cant seem to make my brain adapt to the fact that; '' Ok Average start Studying, Attempt to Study' .. But Another No; I seem to Cant do it ?

remember My Mocks; My School Still didnt Issue my grades; So I think My Brain is waiting for those results ?; But Probably Its just lying to me .. :/ .. It wants me to think like that ..

Or is It El Shaii6an?
Madree .. :/ ..


What Do i Doo ??

PS; Now My Blog is done; How do i Advertise Itt :P?
I Suffer from LAck of Comments .. and Me; I Franklyy Need attention .. In Here and In Reality ..

I Lust Itt ..

Waking up in the morning, bored to death. Knowing that I will go through that routine of work that is always similar with its mostly unpleasant surprises. Having the thought at the back of my head that something is missing, expecting a bad event to happen in the next few hours.

Working as a paediatrician is hard work. Its not just having a childishly decorated office with lots of clichéd cartoon pictures. This is just the deceiving cover to a neck paining job.

Lots of Routine work ahead of me. Many over concerned parents with that extra bit of cash send their servants to me tagging along their obviously spoilt children with a little cough or running nose to check on them. Well I cant complain, these cases are the my primary source of income that I depend on.

The cases that really concern me and touch me deeply are the heart breaking ones. Parents with limited income forced to take a loan and bring their children for a diagnosis and a cure but for rare but possible cases, to get the definite bad news that their baby is going to highlight his mortality in a short period of time.

That case that i will eventually get is the one that is ringing the bells of reality at the back of my head for as hoping that this wont happen is a silly thought after time.

The Only thing that will exclude me of that effing reality is a cigarette.

That moment of pure exhilarance is what I Lust in my cigarette. Watching the orange baby flame flicker and fight its way through that entangled forest is enough to trigger my adrenaline glands every time.

Delivering that mysterious smoke to the air with such smoothness and seeing its successful efforts to camouflage itself in thin air is a endearing craving. Almost like mocking a magicians trick with such subtleness.

And With it having a cup of americano coffee that will knock out the small left out bits of sleep out of my head.

A small Part of me loves my job, A Big part of me loves what I do before my job. A Ciggy and Coffee!



*All of this is from My Imagination; Except the part of me lusting a ciggy .. ;p ..
** I DONT SMOKE!; I just lust it ..