Monday, May 31, 2010


A worry has been eating me up these days. What if I didn't do enough? What if I fail my Ig's or not bring up the grades I was aiming for?
Something that's completely factual and is of utter truth is that I didn't work hard for these grades, I didn't study hard enough, I didn't care enough.
These moments of my life are supposed to be one the most strenuous and gruelling times of my life, where the sole reason of my existence are the books and my head wouldn't part these textbooks a couple of milliseconds.
But, I'm not any of this. I'm taking the whole Ig's thing very lightly. I'm not studying like I supposed to be, Oh, why the present tense? I didn't study like I was supposed to.
My Ig's finish on the 11th and I have finished 5 subjects forever in my high school career which are Maths, Physics, English 2nd Language, Arabic 2nd Language and Geography. And I have 4 subjects left with different papers which are; Biology, Chemistry, economics and lastly English 1st Language.
Let me go through each of the 9 subject one by one and explain to me my situation, should I be that worried?

1- Maths; Oh well, this subject is the only one that I got tuition for, and I think I did good. I had a good understanding of the subject and came out of both papers with an unconcerned nature and that's comforting, Right? Well yes, it was one of the easiest exams ever in the Ig History. But the thing with maths, is that the grades are unpredictable and the silly mistakes are counted by the millions, so its considerably a matter of luck.
Another thing, that is a bit worrying, is that just last night, I dreamt about my maths grade and it turned out that I got an E. Very realistic dream that made me very happy when I woke up of the dream.

2- Physics; Oh, Physics' paper 3, The hardest and most graded paper, was extremely hard and made me very uncomfortable. I'm very pessimistic with this subject after that particular paper and I think I'm going to fail this one.

3- English 2nd Language; Inshalla A!

4- Arabic 2nd Language; If I didn't get an A*, I need, either to be admitted to a mental hospital or commit suicide!

5- Geography; Well I entered all three paper with minimal studying and just with my greatly self-admired attribute of me, my common sense. I think I did good and at least a C would be sufficient for my pleasing.

6- Biology; I did 2 papers out of 3, and they were to a certain extent good; I still didn't do the multiple choice which I'm currently fearing due to my lack of studying. I also need to be very thankful that the hardest paper of this subject turned out to be another geography exam which was nice.

7- Chemistry; NO COMMENT; I Have the hard paper coming up, I think I'm going to Fail it :(; I should do some past papers but Im not!

8- Economics; I just need to learn the supply-demand graph; But i still yet to learn it; Fuck me!

9- English 1st Language; I missed out on yesterday's 4 hour revision lesson; I also think I'm going to at most get a C from this exam.

Extremely Boring post; I even bored myself writing it; Oh well I guess its a post for me to read after I get disastrous results on August; and just regret my, not even funny, lack of studying.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Faster Than a Ferrari?

Time is running with ferocious velocity and it't accelerating by the second.
Everybody is noticing this; seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years and decades are flying by unnoticed, unappreciated.
I don't like it.

I hate that time is becoming of passive importance amongst a lot of people. People just don't understand the concept of it nor do they pay it enough attention, I don't even understand it. But what's really obvious and almost all of us are oblivious about is that time is escaping.

Where is it?

Yesterday, just yesterday was new year's eve.
before yesterday was the day I opened this blog, oh and by the way, before yesterday is Average's first birthday.

How is it like that?
What makes like that?
How can I Saviour the moments of joy, pride, happiness and even sadness?
How can I remember all of these feelings, all of these momories that are fading from my mind by the minute?

I hate that I have a bad memory, I hate that I can't remember everything, especially the good and funny stuff of my life.
I envy people that can remember joyful moments and just laugh at them and admire them whilst I can't do that.

Funny enough, one of the only things that makes me look forward for judgement day is the fact that I can remember absolutely everything that happened in my life. I'd probably don't want that at the time due to my heavy sins and very little deeds, but right now, that's one of the things that makes me assured and content.

Returning to our present, Where is time? Why is it in such a dangerous hurry?

I don't want to blink and another year passes by, I really don't.

This frightening speed taken up by time belittles life on Earth, it just makes it very insignificant.
What's life?
Just several decades of joy and agony that is all summed up under Earth. Whether rich or poor, whether good or bad, we're all heading for the same direction.
And that's scary, Is there something afterwards?
Will we be remembered in a good way?
Will we survive the hereafter?

Time is an extremely interesting subject. It's just so enlightening and acts like a lesson every time you think about it. It moralizes a human being and makes him understand the importance of life or its unimportance. Such an effective way of teaching a lesson.

I know that with a blink of an eye, I'll remember writing this, a month from now or even a year, or even a decade, and think about it exactly the same.

"Time proved to be Faster than a Ferrari" ..

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Conscience or Image?

Am I fearing a ruined image of me? Or is it really my conscience?
I currently believe that I'm tricking myself into believing that it's actually my conscience whilst what I have come to realise is that I cant tolerate me being talked about in a bad way.
I despise that.
I lack confidence.

I made a wrong decision, Who doesn't? I think I made wrong decisions forever.
But, never were these decisions questioned nor even noticed.
Whilst this particular decision I decided mere 2 days ago was to some extent public. This decision is making people, I think, question my goodness.

Well the question is, Do I really possess goodness?
I always wonder why a big number of 'good' people that gain power, turn out to be bad eventually with the influence of power and money.
I also thought that whenever I gain any sort of power, I would not gain advantage from nor misuse it.
But, on a minute scale, I got that power, and instantaneously I made the wrong decision with no hesitation, with no consideration and with no ethics whatsoever.

The scary thing is that, I didn't come to realise that I made a mistake until I knew people were dealing with it and talking about it. When I realised that my 'goodness' is being questioned and a bad spot have been entered into my 'allegedly' sparkly white files.

How many mistakes did I do?
How many moments of power did I possess and let somebody down?

Is my feeling of guilt a product of my supposed fear from that question of goodness or is it really my conscience hurting me?

Its not a nice feeling to be in, hating being in your own skin, but I do have a glimpse of satisfaction, as me realising this aspect of my life is comforting and assuring.
Maybe I'll think more next time, maybe I'll value these powerful moments I have and maybe if I do a mistake, my real conscience will alarm me, not the tongues of people.

Or maybe not!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

One Lucky Bastard

I am One lucky Bastard .. just a Fuckin Lucky Bastard ..
I entered most of my Ig Exams With almost no studying whatsoever and I think im doing good. I Seem very over confident .. Bess I didnt do not 1 exam where i Felt 'Fuck thats Hard' ..
O Madree Laiish ..

I mean; I'm not that Genius; Nor Im Smart in any Way ..
I Have some common Sense; But that doesnt make u pass Ig's ..

O El wagt where i need to Pray .. And Ask God for Help. Im Not .. Im Still in the Doubt Phase ..


What Makes me look forward to the Summer is that Im going to Explore something Soo Beautiful; So Miraculous .. So Powerful .. and Just Know it .. In my holidays ..
Uff; el Qur2an .. I Cant Waiitt .. On the 13th of june im gonna Start .. :P ..


3ali ebn Abee 6aleb .. Tsk tsk .. 5ayal ..


I realised that i Love writing, Reading .. I Adore these 2 Things in mee; and I adore Doing them ..
I Miss Reading for fun; I miss jefferey Deaver's Thriller Books .. I Want to write a Novel .. Weddee .. ;p ..


FourMe ..
I know She'll Get through this With Flying Colours ..


Just Because im talking to this person right now; I'll Mention them .. YA .. :P ..
Lets See; When Will They See this .. ;p ..


I know i bought it to myself .. Bess I Hate that I lost my Anonymity .. I Cant A keep a Secret About me to myself .. I trust ppl ever so easily .. ;/ ..
Bess laiil7een el 7amdella Nobody Betrayed that .. :D ..


Mmm .. Bess; I miss Posting here .. bess in a Few days time Ra7 Tmelloun menne ..


I Finish my Ig's at the 11th ..

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

IGCSE; Moment Of Truth!

In one hour and a half the most important month of my life starts.
My life depends on this month ..
And although im extremely Calm; I didn't equip myself with enough studying to attack this month!
2 years of my life passed; and through all of it I've been looking forward for this dreaded month.
And What tops it all; is my in-certainty and insecurity at this stage.
I Seem so calm on the outside; But on the inside; Im SCARED; Im Fushin Scared .. ;/ ..

Ed3oulee ..

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Lord Average ..

Mr Average Here Was Elected Lord .. At Prom ..
My Suit Turned out to be The Best O My Friends voted For Mee .. E7m e7m .. ;p ..
O I slow Danced With The Lady .. :$ .. ;p ..

I Know Anony Is Proud Of Mee ??; 9a77 .. :P??

It Was A Great Night .. O We Had Great Fun ..

A Post for the Memory .. ;p ..