And Again!

Its like history is repeating itself.
I'm heading to Lebanon, again by car, on the 2nd or 3rd.
The thing is, this time, I'm not really looking forward for the trip. I mean, I realised that travelling to Lebanon with just the family, is somewhat boring.
I'm a 16 year old.
I need my freedom, my fun. My Older brother won't come, my older sister won't come. I'm stuck with my parents, and *Younger sisters.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, on the contrary, thank God I have the opportunity to actually travel. But. It can be much more fun with cousins, friends.

This time for the road trip, I will be much more equipped as I learned from my past experience.
Essentials;
- Ipod
- A readable Book
- Flash Light
- A Good Cushion
- Camera

I really hope, I'd enjoy this trip.
I know that I adore Lebanon, its weather, people, girls! Everything.
I just need something to make me feel less than an actual prisoner.

I hope my dad would let me drive through this treacherous trip, I need some fun for God's sake!

UmSalem!

My one and only.
The candle that lights my family.
The smile that melts my heart.
The hug, that solves everything.
The innocent kiss, that I need, I just need for me to complete my day efficiently.
The talks, the surprisingly intriguing talks, that richen my heart with joy, pride and unlimited love.

UmSalem, I Can't sum her up in a post. Hell, she can never be summed up.

She owns one of those rarely found hearts, that never explored evilness. A heart that is absolutely free of hatred. A heart that never holds any grudges.
A heart that literally pours unconditional kindness.

The happiness that I naturally possess during her presence, the satisfactory feeling that I gain by just knowing that she's there, right next to me, playing with her medallion on the ground.

An example of a pure creation.

Allah Ya7fe9' E5tee Lee; O Y5alleehaa Doum Salmaa; O Mestansa; O Met-hanya!

Is There Someone?

A thought stroked my mind today, a pleasant one I must admit.
What if there was someone, an anonymous someone, that cared for me, had a crush on me, liked me?, without me knowing.
What if there was someone, that is missing me terribly? wishing to talk to me but didn't pick up enough courage to do so?
No, I'm not a paranoid person, that just thinks about himself, that is actually that self-centred to think that way, but its just a thought!, What if?

I'm always used to have my own, one-sided crushes that rarely worked but this thought changed the balance of the whole situation.
I'm not insinuating that I currently know of, somebody who has a 'crush' on me, I'm just writing what's on my mind. Bluntly and absent-mindedly! A thought that I thought is quite interesting!

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On a very different note, I'm well into my holiday, and its going quite well. I didnt start 'reading' the thing, Bess I'm reading this novel that's nice by a so-called 'Ken Follett ', and a lot of things are surprisingly occupying me. Something I do appreciate, as I really despise the state of boredom that hit me on holidays!

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Also, I would like to Salute FourMe on her strength and great will that is admirable on all stages by me and other people. She's such a powerful person.
Allah Yshafeeha; O Ya7meeha .. O Ya36eeha el 9e77a Wel 3afyaa o 6oulat el 3umr!

And Anony; I really Can't express enough their effect on me.

Finished!

I'm actually finished. Finished. FINISHED!
FINISHEDDDD
I Can't Believe it; absorb it?; I'm actually finished.
No more school; No more School!; No More School!
I can't imagine my self school-less! I just Can't.
My Life?
11 years; Every day of the eleven years; I've been going to that School.
And Now .. Poof .. It's Finished.

I Can't Sense Freedom!
I can't feel freedom!
I've been told that these are bitter-sweet moments!
I don't Find any Sweetness; NONE!

I'll miss it!
I'll miss my friends, and not the ones that I'm close to; NO .. The ones that I just say 'Hi' to. Those are the ones that make it better!
I'll miss the teachers!; No more endless conversations of Non-School related topics.
No more shit singing in the corridors!
No more 'Good Mornings' To smiling people!
Shit!

I just can't comprehend it!
I'm Finished!

I don't like this feeling!
I don't like change!

Baq9am; Has left the Campus :(!

Did I Do a Mistake?

The occasional doubt is kicking in again! Since I realised that I'm actually an agnostic person, I stopped praying due to the obvious reason. But I miss it, I really do.
Although it was just an 'exercise', the impact it has on my life proved to be apparent. The satisfaction you get after each prayer, and the relief you experience is what anybody would long for. Who doesn't want a constant feel of relief, 5 times a day, 7 day a week and so on.
Also, the fact that I'm constantly lying to my mum, is nerve-wrecking. I hate seeing myself deceive my mother. She expects me to pray, and I need to pray, bess for God; Mu 7agha.
The question is; Did I do a mistake by stopping my prayers?
Should I be praying even though, I'm in an extreme state of doubt.

The good thing is that by Saturday, I'll be starting my quest, by reading Tafseer el 8ur2an; something I really am looking forward to.