Monday, June 8, 2015


Where did the audacity go?
I miss you. I want you. I need you. To the churns of an Arabic Oud I divulge my feelings.
The yearn to burst into tears is audacious. What do I need?
What's there to miss and need and want?
People lose their loved ones easily, and for what? A wrong turn? A stupid teenager in a fancy car? The random behavior of a body unhappy of one's dietary cravings? And here I am mourning my own happiness, my contentedness.

And it's not really specificity which I need. There isn't a particular being owning the keys to my smiles and true laughs. But on the contrary; it's a random grin that pours love into my unbelieving soul, and then it subsides and everything is back to normal. The sickening type of normality.

I lost the ability to express. I have many things to say and limited abilities of expression. It's like everything is another language, and I can't understand it nor does it understand me. I have a knack for rhetorical questions. I can't stand it.

I over-appreciate beauty. I'd love to think that I don't, but I certainly do. I expect a lot from a beautiful person. I expect their goodness to be of the same level as their beauty.

Days go by without anything of value really. Nothing to consolidate anything. Just the movement of time uncaring of whatever that goes on in life, and it's really not fun.

Complaints following complaints following complaints summing up the attitude of this writer. A highly-regarded personality among many, and a lowly character in the senses of his typing fingers.

Put that fragile little abhorrent manifestation
Of a cylinder between your lips, 
And carry that filled up canister, 
Strike your thumb once, 
Or twice.
Make sure of your success
Hear the hiss of chemistry at its finest,
Breathe in. Breathe in more, 
And stir up a true smile,
True fucking laughter.

I guess that's my way of trying to be audacious. 

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